HERO THREAT REPORT: STARBLAZER BEE
Supergroup Affiliation: Doombuggies
Okay, where to begin with this report...Ms. Crenshaw, another aspirin, please? Thank you.
Starblazer Bee's origin begins with the embarrassing loss of a genetic clone of the hero called Aunt Bee ( See Threat Report #17861). Our scientists have been making real breakthroughs in the cloning arena. The hope is that one day our Paragon Protector Corps can be bolstered by the addition of cloned genetic material "provided" by the good heroes of Paragon City. Thought to be a more civilzed way of handling what the Vahzilok are doing with their Eidelons, these Protecor Clones could form a near limitless well of Protectors with seemingly unlimited power sets. What a friggin' fantasy, eh, Ms.Crenshaw? Yes, well, it gets me excited. Anyway, the Aunt Bee clone was to be one of the first in the program. Sadly, some wayward pack of meddling do-gooders akin to those kids on Scooby Doo made a very destructive, forced, and need I say illegal entry into our main lab and managed to steal our genetic samples and clones. Punks! I'm telling you Ms.Crenshaw, the kids today are out of hand! But I digress. Back to my report...right.
Our loss of the Aunt Bee clone must have surely delighted that weird as hell little bug-like hero. We were expecting the stolen clones to be destroyed as there was significant damage done to several of them during the theft. Besides, it takes quite a stomach to deal with the aftermath of stolen clones, eh? Almost makes one queezy with morbid fascination and fear just thinking about near corpses in big vats! Well we were hoping that would be the reaction anyway. Best situation for Crey was that they would just be destroyed as the public would certainly be outraged were the news human cloning in America to leak out. To our tremendous surprise, Aunt Bee actually intervened personally. She propsed that the clones be healded and repaired, and that they be offered to those alien being who call themselves Kheldians for some type of joining. Now how disgusting does that sound? I mean have you seen these things? They look like squids. Sounds like some manner of un-Godly body snatching to me. It's not natural. There ought to be laws against that kind of stuff. But the fools over at Hero Corps and the FBSA were both giddy with joy over the idea. Typlical. So it was that Aunt Bee's clone was joined with a being called Zorff'StarBlayzurr (which loosely translated into proper American English is "Chuck").
We're fortunate to know more about this Chuck than we ever come close to knowing about most Kheldians. Quite excited to have made his way to Earth, Chuck became an action figure aficionado after he discovered them. This immature, and dare I say retarded, love of kids' toys lead Chuck to become a fan of the Doombuggies, who had just signed onto a lucrative to deal to have action figures made of themselves. Chuck managed to score one of the few autographed Kung Fu Grip Arctic Flea figures produced. When he heard that his name was up for one of those disgusting joinings, and that one of his choices was the repaired Aunt Bee clone, Chuck jumped at it. Those normally goofball tree-hugging weenies in the Social and Mental Health Division are speculating that the joined Chuck/Bee entity is now living out some manner of twisted action figure fanatsy. I'll have to go along with them on this one, though. Let's face it, this whole thing is just weird. Kheldians are weird. Aunt Bee is Weird. The Doombuggies are weird. Grown ups who play with action figures are weird. Throw it all together and it can be NOTHING BUT WEIRD! I AM CALM, MS. CRENSHAW! Sorry. Where was I?
Starblazer Bee exhibits a great many of the powers that most "Peacebringers" exhibit. The most obvious give away for identifying Peacebringers is that bright glow. If that doesn't do it, they...get this...can change their physical form entirely. I'm telling you that's just not right. How disgusting. Several of our field operatives in Brickstown have reported run ins with Starblazer Bee. In fact 75% of those agents gave their reports from hospital beds. Why couldn't she just stay in Atlas Park and beat up Hellions? There are plenty of those punks running around. The hope is that She will simply lose interest in the whole hero thing as the Chuck side of the entity discovers that being an action figure is not as fun as playing with them. How much time does that underdeveloped Kheld really want to spend Medi-Porting, right? Well, in any event our worst case scenario has happened. She's officially invited herself into Crey territory.This hero has turned out to be no second rate copy of Aunt Bee. Far from it. She's actually scared a couple of our Vigilants into early retirement. Er...we can delete that bit from the report okay? You heard me right? Take that part out? Okaaaay...we'll just say you heard me.
Crey Intelligence recommends constant surveillance lest we have a powerful alien with superhero action figure dillusions come knocking on the Countess' door. Or my office door for that matter. Can it truly get any stranger than this, Ms. Crenshaw? No--please don't answer that.
For More Information About This Threat
- Contact @Aunt Bee via Global Chat.
- Contact darthorlok @ yahoo.com by email.
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