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HERO THREAT REPORT: Sabra Cadabra
Supergroup Affiliation: None
BEGIN TRANSCRIPT:
See Ms. Crenshaw? Do you see now where superpowered street drugs get you? Covered up in do-gooder vigilantes like this Sabra Cadabra! It's bad enough that this "Superdine" produces the Trolls. Now we have to worry about Son of Troll growing up into a Caliban and throwing chunks of earth at Crey property. What? Um...I was only using "Son of Troll" as a figure of speech. I'm well aware that this Sabra Cadabra is a chick--Woman! I meant Woman...don't look at me like that.
Anyway, onto our subject. So, Sabra Cadabra is the offspring of an illiterate bad rock musician and a Dine junkie mother, eh? According to our researchers she was named after a song by heavy metal band Black Sabbath called "Sabbra Cadabra", but her genius father only spelled it with one "B" on her birth certificate. Now that's funny, Ms. Crenshaw. What a moron. The research report also says Miss Caprock was apparently born with little Troll horn stubs. Whew, momma really was bad with the Dine wasn't she? I'll bet that was painful. Little junkie derserved it. Disgusting. It's all disgusting.This what happens when lacks morals take over, Ms. Crenshaw. I need only point to Gothic Rage (Entry 17889) as an example. Hell, I'll bet Sabra is related to Gothic Rage. What a nightmare discovery that would be. Stupid rock music. I'm telling you the rock n' roll has been a bad influence for decades. And that MTV didn't help matters.There's no telling how many of these Godless slacker rock stars are out there sewing their wild oats with these desperate, wasted groupie types. We can only hope he just has one of these kids running around out there. Hell, we should also hope SHE only has this one. They're all the same those groupies. "Oh I love guitar players, I want his baby!" That's how it always happens, Ms. Crenshaw. The result is that we now have a fire weilding quasi-She Troll running around out there setting off illegal fires all over Paragon City. And what's worse is that she actually sets people on fire. I mean it just doesn't get much more irresponsibly vicious than that. I'll bet she's in cahoots with those Hellions. They're second raters like Sabra's loser daddy, and she plays with fire like they do. I'd bet your next paycheck that she affiliated with them! All that arson in Steel Canyon may be connected. We need to have our field agents look into that.
Once again those pansy, left-wing, whale saving Reds in the Social and Mental Health Division have their own rosey colored, sappy take on things. Their oh so cheerful opinion is that Sabra Cadabra is opting to put her talents to good use rather than joining Atta's mayhem in Eastgate. Their cracker jack recon squad claims that Sabra goes home to see mommy and daddy every other evening when she's not staying at a Hero Corps training center. Aww...how special. Probably hooking mommy up with a fix. They go on to say she's helping her loser father with paying for guitar lessons. All of this, according to our wussie shrinks, points toward some inner drive to improve both herself and her family's condition despite her drug created deformities, strange powers, and the natural urge to join the Trolls. They also indicate that the Trolls had Sabra in mind for recruitment until she baked a kidnapping squad in South Skyway. Lucky them. They'd have been stuck with daddy's crappy guitar playing otherwise, right?
Sabra is high on Crey's watch list as she's managed to get the attention of high ranking members of the Tsoo, the Family, and the Council. Wow, that's actually rather impressive for a Dine Baby. She's frequently seen with some runt called Thermo-Stat who apparently has silimar abilities. Some speculate that he's a mentor of some type, and should be removed at our earliest convenience. She has also befriended...Capt. Frisland? Where in the hell is Frisland? That's a place right? Well don't just sit there, Ms. Crenshaw, get a map or something. No, no...scratch that. He can wait for his own threat assessment, nevermind. We're also not sure about Adamant Frost other than the fact that his mommy made the scarf he wears into battle. Or...Firecracker Fandango? That's a hero's name? I guess it takes a Sabra Cadabra to hang out with a Firecracker Fandango. What's that? This Firecracker woman also sets things on fire? Yeah that figures. Anyway, Sabra Cadabra has been officially red flagged by our field operatives. She seems to have set more than one fire in a Crey facility and has sent several agents to various hospitals. Whew...those are some nasty burn photos. Would you believe this nasty hunk of human jerky is a Paragon Protector. Good thing we cover them up completely. All departments and subsidiary companies have been encouraged to check smoke detectors, extinguishing systems, and make sure they have proper escapes routes in place should this Dine Baby freak show up. What's that? Oh, right. Good call, Ms Crenshaw. Yes, add that a proper buddy system should also be in place in the event of an emergency. Sharp thinking. I knew when hired you that you were more than just a short, tight skirt.
UPDATE 7-28-06:
Well it seems that Little Miss Dine Baby can't leave well enough alone. Several days ago, a group of Crey operatives were trying to help society out by confiscating some Carnival of Shadows field recon information from some Malta Operatives. Just when we had those paranoid Cold War relics where we wanted them, Sabra Cadabra shows up and sticks her nose where it doesn't belong. More accurately she delivered 3rd degree burns to the Malta and our own field agents. And she ran off with the Carnival information that we were stealin---er, confiscating. Aren't there Trolls out there that she could go pester?
Also of note is that she continues to make troublesome friendships and contacts among the ever expanding vigilante community. One such hero, quite sadly, is a defender who insists on keeping Sabra Cadabra alive. I don't know much about this Joanna Billby outside of the fact that she's reported to be hot headed. Just what Sabra Cadabra needs, a hot headed friend. She is kind of hot, though, I mean look at those...um, where was I? Oh yeah, Um...strike that last remark form the record okay? Okay? Right. Sabra Cadabra has also recently been spotted prancing around Portal Corporation with a werewolf---oh the things I read---a werewolf called Agoraphobia. He is said by some misguided citizens to be the "definition of bravery". With friends like these, we really need to shut this hero down. On that note, I'm going to go lie down.
END TRANSCRIPT
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